It is hard to imagine that we would sabotage ourselves, and yet we do it all the time, undermining our own hopes and dreams, our progress in learning and in life.
We make a goal, say to eat better, we have a package of cookies and decide to wait until the cookies are gone, or you have a plate of cookies and grab one every time we pass by the plate. We try to say that we have no will power, that it is not our fault. The reality is that it is not a matter of will power or fault. When make a goal then make conscious decisions that block that goal from coming to fruition, that is self-sabotage. I think everyone can relate to that cookie scenario, but self-sabotage can show up in many ways.
Why do we do it? Why do sabotage our goals and dreams? If the goal or dream is truly something we desire and we sabotage ourselves to keep from obtaining it, most times it comes down to lack of self-love and self-worth. If the goal or dream is not what we want and we are pursuing it for someone else, we will sabotage it to keep from being honest that the dream is not ours. Learning the patterns of self-sabotage can be a painful inward journey. It means becoming aware of successes and failures and the decisions made while working toward a goal. Calling yourself out in a realization of self-sabotage is a beautiful thing, eventually. We feel that beauty when healing happens, adopted thinking changes, and we start to see how our decisions directly affect our outcomes. What I am getting from “Cowboy” right now is that taking personal responsibility is the only way to end self-sabotaging behavior.
Once we can see the behaviors that sabotage our goals, and the thinking that goes with it, we can change both in a way that encourages our self-worth. We can begin to be honest with ourselves and others about what we want and what we are willing to do. When I first
noticed my own self-sabotaging behaviors, it seemed for a time that I was constantly seeing that I was purposely standing in my own way. I am grateful that I now allow myself permission to say no, I do not want that, and then not do it, and if there is something I do want and I see that old behavior showing up I can look inward to see why the behavior is there. A few times it was just habit and could I stop the behavior, a few other times I found fear that I had to confront, which I did and then moved on.